Oh look - I have more thoughts on Guy Ritchie movies

 

You know how you sometimes open Netflix, or any other streaming service of your choice, and just stare at the landing page for 20 minutes straight not exactly knowing what to watch?

Its even weirder when the “recommended for you” list pops up and the movies and shows it recommends are so up your alley and are definitely shows you really actually want to watch.

And then you don’t.

Instead, you reload Archer and watch it again, right from the beginning, for the 5^th time in the past month.

And I don’t even care that the show hasn’t aged all that well (I mean, what has?).  I still love it.

Science attributes it to a combination of procrastination, sensory overload and a big fat heaping of nostalgia.  I can certainly agree with that. 

Aside from the nostalgia comfort blanket that repeat watches offers, you also end up absorbing more details and features on repeat watches which, if anyone knows me and my particular aesthetics; is my absolute visual jam.

Like how in my 4^th rewatch of Guy Ritchie’s flick that I’d love to hate, King Arthur, I noticed how Lord Mercia places a concerned, and somewhat affectionate hand on Vortigern’s arm after briefing him of Arthur’s kidnap.  The moment is surprisingly tender, and indicative of a strong love, loyalty, friendship and understanding between the two characters that goes beyond being that of a boss villain and his crony; there’s an actual relationship there.  And I would have loved to have read through the character and script notes for those characters and that scene. 

But I am not here to talk about King Arthur – again.

I am here to talk about another Guy Ritchie movie though.  Which is weird because I’m not actually that huge a fan of his work.  If you want me to wax lyrical about a director, I’d have to pull out all my Edgar Wright ballads from the back of the closet along with the inevitable hurdy gurdy that thematically matches the praise I would shower on him.

Having said that, I think Guy Ritchie’s take on the Man from U.N.C.L.E is low key his best piece of work to date.

I’m not going to recap the movie – as far as I’m concerned, you should go see it.  And if you already have, re-watch it.  Every frame oozes style and the cinematography is gorgeous. 

The story is strangely paced and there are some scenes – like the drunken dancing Gabby scene that feels both fun, forced and awkward at the same time.  I am sure the scene is trying to relay that Gabby may well have a drinking problem.  And the whole cute sunglass wearing dance she does in her pyjamas is certainly charming.  But its also incredibly jarring when she does from seemingly quirkily tipsy to rowdy drunk and then blackout drunk in less than 5 minutes.  The attempted romantic tension between Ilya and herself feels more forced in that scene than in any other where the two are together.

Upon my 132^nd rewatch – I realised the entire story takes place in roughly 3-5 days, which feels somewhat insane considering how the plot develops. 

The characters are so well embodied by their actors.  And yet, Alicia Viaknder’s excellent interpretation of Gabby is hampered by Ritchie’s poor writing of female characters.  You can taste the potential and the depth of her character but it never quite shines.  Especially when she gets used as yet another damsel to rescue.  Nevertheless, it serves the purposes of the story.  Gabby is a civilian, and her character is still bound to the sensibilities of the 60s.  She would not have had the physical strength, constitution or skills to engage in particularly rampant action.  Further, she is never portrayed as helpless.  Frightened and worried yes, absolutely, as any person would be if forced into becoming a double agent with little to no training.  But Gabby’s skills and strength absolutely shine in the opening action scene as she skilfully drives Solo through the empty streets of East Berlin whilst being chased by the monstrous silhouette of Ilyia Kuryakin.

Speaking of whom, Cavill and Hammer are absolute fucking stars in this movie. 

Cavill playing Napoleon Solo hits the charming wanker ball so cleanly out of the park, it hits me square in the between the eyes everytime.  I mean, I know that outside of his major role as Supes, Henry Cavill is a genuinely talented actor.  But I never really noticed it since most of the time all I see is a ridiculously square jawed handsome lad with biceps the size of my ribcage (we get it, you lift.  All the things).  He’s excellent in his other roles in The Tudors and, more recently the Witcher, but I am never convinced of his range outside of tough handsome man.  (Aside from the fact that he looks like he might rip all his shirtsleeves, he was very affable as Sherlock in the new Enola Holmes movie, let that man grow tousled curly hair more often, it’s a fantastic look).

Napoleon Solo gives Cavill the chance to play charming, suave, smart and dickish without being too corny as the typical debonair spy.  He’s very clearly a prat, but his charm is backed up by competence, from his relatively decent linguistics, to that snarky head tilt and eyebrow that he raises when he’s feeling slightly annoyed by Illya’s Soviet flavoured conniptions. It’s a great cast and I really want to see more of it.

Armie Hammer is a god among men.  His Russian accent is horrible, but I forgive all of it because he is hands down the most charming un-charming man in this movie and I love every second of his scowl being on screen.  Also – the man is built like a brick shithouse and I appreciate that very much, especially since his giant body is topped with the pinchable face of a wounded puppy.  (I seem to constantly imagine Cavill as being significantly shorter in my mind and I don’t know why).  

Yes – I am aware of Solo/Kuryakin slashfic.  Yes, it am 137% convinced it is aesthetically gorgeous, lovely stuff.  No, I am actually not interested.

Yes - I see it

Just give me U.N.C.L.E 2.  I can ship it in my mind. 

Oh, and if somehow Elizabeth Debicki’s Vittoria Vinciguerra can somehow be emulated again in whatever new villain is thrown at them then I think I can die happy.  Debicki’s acting was probably the movie’s crowning glory. (The way she says ‘Solo’ in her low, enunciated drawl, is worth the constant repeat watches).  Vittoria was 1000% menacing and glamorous and was underserved by the movie’s weird narrative pace. 

If Guy Ritchie ever gets thrown the bone to start filming this, let me know.  I will paddle across the ocean and slither myself into the production design team for this movie, if only so I can gaze in besotted wonder at the inevitably amazing wardrobe.

(If he gets the green light for another King Arthur 2, I will settle for dusting the cool furniture on set).

For now, I will continue to play Man from U.N.C.L.E on repeat as background noise or as the last thing I listen to before I fall asleep.